so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
