My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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