at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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