I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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