Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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