therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
