How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
