I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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