If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
