I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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