Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
