Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize