i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize