i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need to align my fucking chakras
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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