How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize