I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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