I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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