considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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