Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
