I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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