hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
