You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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