No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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