Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
