I looked at my own cervix.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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