I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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