Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
