And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
