You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.