You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.