you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.