When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.