It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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