I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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