Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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