yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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