you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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