quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize