I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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