Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
