I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
