you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
