Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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