explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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