i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize