Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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