Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today