Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

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(412): Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head. http://tfl.nu/0n78

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(478): View more from Georgia

tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

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(478): tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid http://tfl.nu/h4uf

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.

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(508): My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life. http://tfl.nu/p0ex

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(518): View more from New York

I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

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(518): I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere. http://tfl.nu/r42x

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(443): View more from Maryland

and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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(443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

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(413): It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex. http://tfl.nu/wrcv

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(406): View more from Montana

There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!

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(406): There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go! http://tfl.nu/765a

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(407): View more from Florida

Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.

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(407): Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost. http://tfl.nu/odd1

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high

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(608): The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high http://tfl.nu/8rya

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god

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(303): Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god http://tfl.nu/bdku

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(240): View more from Maryland

No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom

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(240): No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/1eer

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(312): View more from Illinois

It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.

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(312): It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over. http://tfl.nu/eihc

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is

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(262): My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is http://tfl.nu/wa13

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(914): View more from New York

So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.

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(914): So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy. http://tfl.nu/skqk

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(425): View more from Washington

My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with

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(425): My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with http://tfl.nu/lkbr

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