I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice