Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.