it wasn't lemon gatorade
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
