I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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