My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
