Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my poor anus
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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