you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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