My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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