Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
